WHATS IN. A NAME?

Hey guys
I trust you've had a wonder-filled week so far.
My point of discussion today is somewhat touchy but I promise to be brief and straight to the point.

For as long as I have been conscious of my humanity, I have always been curious and this curiosity for better or worse leads to me asking questions.

This questions often come with different moods or timespans, over the last week, I had one of those questions and it went along the line "as a woman would you take your husband's last name and why would you ."

I am a feminist, a firm believer in the equality of the sexes and I am sure that this belief was the harbinger of that question and I guess a mild dose of boredom.

As envisaged I got some really insightful answers 💪, responses that really warmed my heart and left me really delighted at the sensibilities of the people I call friends (like I'm so shocked that these people would consider me friends)

However, I got some really interesting responses too case in point

"would you take your husband's last name and why would you. " I asked

The responses usually followed the same or a slightly different pattern of

"that's the normal thing na", "it is love", "how would you feel if your wife chooses not to take your last name"

This responses left me disheartened not because I have anything against wives taking their husbands last name or as someone said "you like to make a big deal of little things"

So I delved a little bit into history to understand the "surname conudrun" and I found out that women took their husbands name upon marriage because their husbands "often built the house where the couple lived and made provisions for his wife".

So basically the origin of post marital name change for a woman came from the sense of the husband being her provider after marriage and she being the "home-maker" while her husband provides for her needs.

                     So what's in a name

By any stretch of imagination, changing your name when you marry shouldn't have any sexist undertone, but alas this is Nigeria and young people are not told the why of actions, they are thought to primarily just do, young people are told that "when you marry, your wife has to change her name", no explanation, nothing just action based on pre-concieved colonial legacies.

I feel we have a responsibility to train our children that changing your name after marriage is the societal norm but not the only way, your wife might choose to maintain her maiden name (in this way we would raise boys with less bloated ego's and girls who don't see marriage as a freedom of some sort but as a continuation of their life with someone they love)


So ultimately what Is in a name ?

It is it's wider meanings, it's for that girl who wants to go to school but whose father won't allow because she's a girl, it's for that girl child who is married off to the rich trader from her village because her father cannot pay debts or maybe for that girl who is taught to make herself a little lower so that "boys" will like her or finally for those girls who don't know another way, who have no knowledge that you don't really have to change your name if you really don't want to.

 This argument/thoughts/whatever it is is for them

Peace and love always, have a cracking rest of the week

P. S
Some of you will say that well the woman's last name before she married  is her father's and that Is patriachial, that's true but another truth is that as a child she didn't have a choice when that name was given to her and that name is what she has used as she has embarked on life's journey and intricacies. She shouldnt have to give it up without her will as a result of marriage.