MARYLAND SCAMS ARE FOOLISH
To be honest, I have been waiting for this moment since I started working in June, oh yes I have been waiting, I have been waiting for the moment when Agberos would stop me and attempt to extort me, in the end I was bitterly dissapointed.
Agberos in Lagos are a popular myth, hangers on who cling to the forgotten walkways and sinkholes of Lagos in the hope of extorting innocent passer-bys, while that definition provides an existential overview of Agberos and what they do, it still feels woefully inconsequential, there are park agberos, street agberos and agberos everywhere, in the end, the common denominator of all of them is that they are seeking to extort you, know this and you shall survive their madness.
So at the close of work today I decided to walk with my colleagues to the bustop, it had been the perfect kind of Thursday, lazy weather with a light workload, I had tried and tried in vain to complete an article and at some point I had decided to throw in the towel and just see if I could write it over the weekend.
The beginning of my meeting with the Agberos started when I got to Maryland and there was no bus to Ojota.I knew there and then that I was going to be late so I decided to trek the distance, get some fruits and head home, I had barely gone 3 steps on the bridge when a voice called to me, when I looked back I saw a fair young man who looked more lost than being an Agbero signalling for me to wait for him, my mind was already calculating how much I had to see if I could spare him some change.
Very soon he walked up to me and said he noticed that I was a responsible young man and that he just wanted to warn me so I'll not end up dead, ah death, iku, my mind started contemplating who would give a befitting eulogy of my life, but such scary thoughts only lasted for a while before he told me his Oga wanted to see me, I thought of how I was going to plead for my life and promise to burn my shirt when I get home, stupid shirt wants to kill me.
On meeting with his boss, the boss was ofcourse all brawns and no brains, he asked how dare I "fly this colours", to defend myself, I started speaking my fine fluent English hoping he'll leave me alone and let me take myself away from there, then he accused me of being posh, ah mogbe I quickly lapsed into my Yoruba and begged then he told me to shut up, his mouth reeking with a sour smell, "do I look like I be your mate?" (ah this stupid Agberos are insatiable), he screamed bloody hell and promised to kill me, all the time your boy was still thinking of who will cry if I die.
After several minutes of placating, they finally said they'll not take me to their "temple" and that instead I should buy drinks and kola for them to respect their tradition, I thanked them intact i screamed God bless you sir (yes I know, my hypocrite atheist ass), then we started the journey to Ojota, alas it was on the bridge that their scam fell apart.
Because by nature I am an observant person, when I knew I wasn't dying today, I began to notice things about them, first the "boy" the one who approached me was nicely dressed and soft spoken with a sense of reasoning while the other one, the "oga" was dressed in the traditional sense of an Agbero, sagging and all
On the bridge, they kept playing good cop bad cop routine with me while constantly asking for my phone password warning me to thank my God (oh I thanked him), but it was also this things that alerted me to the fact that they were scams, plus their continuous mumbling of jargons and threats, I at least knew that real agberos do not talk too much and this one's seemed to have loose mouths.
Once in Ojota, they told me to go and buy Squadron aka shayo and kolanut while they waited for me and kept hold of my phone, since we were in public and I could now see through their scam, I just switched back to my stern English and demanded my phone, then I told them to fuck off (in nice terms of course)
We were in Public and they couldn't do jackshit, obviously they were scams and bad scams at that, as I walked away, phone In hand and all physical parts in order but more wise in terms of this Lagos, I couldn't help but laugh and ponder over how disappointed I was 😑😑😑
Maryland scams are not wise and my camon CM shall not suffer from their stupidity
Peace and love always.
P.S
For some reasons I would avoid that bus stop for a while now, not because of those boys o, I just need to change routes 😂😂😂😂😂
Agberos in Lagos are a popular myth, hangers on who cling to the forgotten walkways and sinkholes of Lagos in the hope of extorting innocent passer-bys, while that definition provides an existential overview of Agberos and what they do, it still feels woefully inconsequential, there are park agberos, street agberos and agberos everywhere, in the end, the common denominator of all of them is that they are seeking to extort you, know this and you shall survive their madness.
So at the close of work today I decided to walk with my colleagues to the bustop, it had been the perfect kind of Thursday, lazy weather with a light workload, I had tried and tried in vain to complete an article and at some point I had decided to throw in the towel and just see if I could write it over the weekend.
The beginning of my meeting with the Agberos started when I got to Maryland and there was no bus to Ojota.I knew there and then that I was going to be late so I decided to trek the distance, get some fruits and head home, I had barely gone 3 steps on the bridge when a voice called to me, when I looked back I saw a fair young man who looked more lost than being an Agbero signalling for me to wait for him, my mind was already calculating how much I had to see if I could spare him some change.
Very soon he walked up to me and said he noticed that I was a responsible young man and that he just wanted to warn me so I'll not end up dead, ah death, iku, my mind started contemplating who would give a befitting eulogy of my life, but such scary thoughts only lasted for a while before he told me his Oga wanted to see me, I thought of how I was going to plead for my life and promise to burn my shirt when I get home, stupid shirt wants to kill me.
On meeting with his boss, the boss was ofcourse all brawns and no brains, he asked how dare I "fly this colours", to defend myself, I started speaking my fine fluent English hoping he'll leave me alone and let me take myself away from there, then he accused me of being posh, ah mogbe I quickly lapsed into my Yoruba and begged then he told me to shut up, his mouth reeking with a sour smell, "do I look like I be your mate?" (ah this stupid Agberos are insatiable), he screamed bloody hell and promised to kill me, all the time your boy was still thinking of who will cry if I die.
After several minutes of placating, they finally said they'll not take me to their "temple" and that instead I should buy drinks and kola for them to respect their tradition, I thanked them intact i screamed God bless you sir (yes I know, my hypocrite atheist ass), then we started the journey to Ojota, alas it was on the bridge that their scam fell apart.
Because by nature I am an observant person, when I knew I wasn't dying today, I began to notice things about them, first the "boy" the one who approached me was nicely dressed and soft spoken with a sense of reasoning while the other one, the "oga" was dressed in the traditional sense of an Agbero, sagging and all
 |
| The shirt that almost got me killed/ scammed |
On the bridge, they kept playing good cop bad cop routine with me while constantly asking for my phone password warning me to thank my God (oh I thanked him), but it was also this things that alerted me to the fact that they were scams, plus their continuous mumbling of jargons and threats, I at least knew that real agberos do not talk too much and this one's seemed to have loose mouths.
Once in Ojota, they told me to go and buy Squadron aka shayo and kolanut while they waited for me and kept hold of my phone, since we were in public and I could now see through their scam, I just switched back to my stern English and demanded my phone, then I told them to fuck off (in nice terms of course)
We were in Public and they couldn't do jackshit, obviously they were scams and bad scams at that, as I walked away, phone In hand and all physical parts in order but more wise in terms of this Lagos, I couldn't help but laugh and ponder over how disappointed I was 😑😑😑
Maryland scams are not wise and my camon CM shall not suffer from their stupidity
Peace and love always.
P.S
For some reasons I would avoid that bus stop for a while now, not because of those boys o, I just need to change routes 😂😂😂😂😂
Lol. Nice
ReplyDeleteThank you brother
DeleteI think of who will cry if I die too 😏.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if this is consoling but I'll cry and do extra
Delete